Uno, dos, one, two, tres, quatro!

Yesterday was Mother's Day and I knew I wanted to dedicate a blog to my mom.  After all, she is the one who gave me my demented sense of humor, which is well-represented on this site.  I felt an enormous amount of guilt as I watched the day slip by and I knew I wasn't going to get to it.  Of course, that's probably because I was raised Catholic and feel guilty about just about everything.

The thing is, most people make Mother's Day their one day a year to celebrate the woman that gave them life.  I, on the other hand, think lovingly about my mom each and every day, wishing she was still here with me.  Whether it be Mother's Day, the day after or the middle of October, my thoughts are always devoted to my mom and the amazing person that she was.  So, I believe the day after Mother's Day is as good as any to list some of my favorite memories of Mama Rosemary.

• Playing Scrabble with her as a child, only to discover that she would turn the letters over - claiming that they were "blanks" - to make 7-letter words.  Note:  there are only 2 blank tiles in Scrabble.
• Watching her mow the lawn with a bandana wrapped around her head like Rambo.
• Teaching her to swim for the first time up in Bemidji.  Wearing a life jacket will save your life...wearing it like a diaper (with a Bacardi Diet in hand) will change your life.
• Listening to her singing voicemails every year on my birthday.
• The Class Reunion sex change story.  And that is all I have to say about that.
• Hearing about how she stole Sno Balls from other kids' lunch boxes in Catholic school.
• Taking her advice of "Come on Sarah!  You always max bet!" when playing slot machines and then winning almost $800.00.  At which point, she just said, "See.  That's how you do it."
• Dancing with her to Wooly Bully.  Bounce, point, repeat.

To the Irish -

Rosemary's Baby

Santa Clause Reinvented

I don't know about you, but I don't think Tim Allen has ever looked better.

Sexy Asian Farmhouse Antiques

About 9 months ago I drove by a shop in St. Louis Park and saw a sandwich board advertising Sexy Asian Farmhouse Antiques.  I commented about this on Facebook, noting that it was not a product niche that I was familiar with.  Well my friends, all of my questions have now been answered.

The Blowfat Glowfish

I'm not feeling particularly wordy today, so I will just post my latest monster masterpiece. This was painted for my 33 year-old brother, Chad...I mean, my 2-year old nephew, Alex.

Results that get noticed

Here is the ad that I designed for my Intro to Photoshop class.  I think my fellow classmates were slightly appalled.  But just look at the effective use of a vector mask!

Lessons Learned

Who blogs in February anyway?  Between the all-night partying on Groundhog's Day and the always chaotic President's Day, who has the time?  I certainly don't.  It has been a crazy month...crazy year in fact...and I'm left feeling like I have been through everything, with the exception of a Nuclear Holocaust.  It's a good thing though because I have grown a lot and learned some very important lessons...


1.  Trust your gut.  If something feels wrong, it is.
2.  Don't underestimate the healing power of 2 bottles of Pinot Noir and the company of old friends.
3.  Don't underestimate the massive headache you'll get after 2 bottles of Pinot Noir.
4.  There needs to be a group on Facebook called, "I start public feuds on Facebook because I'm passive aggressive and don't know how to properly resolve conflict."  And yes G, a middle finger button would also be nice.
5.  My daughter, Julie is quite the jokester.*
6.  Magnificent Mile is actually a two-syllable word.
7.  My dad is the best Valentine's Day date.
8.  Even though Dominos has admitted that they've been feeding us bad pizza for 40 years, I don't care because it's awesome now.
9.  Photoshop is a fun way to make your brother's unibrow disappear.  Not to mention making all of his eyebrows disappear.
10.  Not only do blondes have more fun, bobs have more fun.  I should have cut my hair months ago.


* No, I don't really have a daughter.  You would think that someone with "psychic abilities" would know this.

Mary Kate is not aging well...

Oldie but a Goodie

I have a feeling that 25 years from now, this will still be my favorite thing on the internet.

A+ for D-Box

On Monday night as I was walking into the theater at MOA to watch The Book of Eli, I saw a sign for “Reserved D-Box Seating”.  My immediate reaction was, “Oh good, they finally have special seating for D-Bags.  I can’t wait until they add this section to Block E.”  However, as I overheard the usher telling some teenagers what D-Box was, I immediately went back to the counter to upgrade my ticket.  Perhaps I’m the last person to know about this, but in case you don’t know either, here’s the deal:  D-Box seats move with the movie.  It’s very much like the Back to the Future ride at Universal Studios.  As shots are fired you feel vibrations in your back and as the camera pans from left to right, so do you.  It’s very cool.  As for the movie, I hadn’t expected much based on the previews, but between an ass-kicking Denzel Washington, an always creepy Gary Oldman and the surprise ending, it gets a B+ in my book.

New regulations in Minneapolis suburb